To this, I said, “Fair enough” because it is. Some people do not react well to conflict and confrontation. There have been many times where I have been one of them. There are many reasons for this, everything from it being a keystone of Canadian culture to be polite and neutral to it triggering feelings that are reminiscent of the ones experienced while living in abusive situations. When people feel threatened, their limbic system shifts into fight/flight/freeze mode, and some people freeze. Or the fly.

I used to be that person. That freeze person. Or that fly person. Recently, I’ve come to a place where I feel as though there is no other way to exist (and resist) but to fight. But I am working towards learning to choose getting things done over being right. I’m not talking about literal violence. I’m talking about confronting conflict head on. Being authentic. Being accountable. It doesn’t feel good, but it does feel real. 

This kind of fight doesn’t feel like it did when I first got into activism as a teenager, when I would pick every battle that came my way. I don’t want to pick battles. I want to engage in conversation. I was to listen to people whose subject positions are different than mine process around their emotions and their experiences and I want to process mine in a way that feels honest. And I want to be able to walk away at the end of it and say, “your truth it different than mine, and now I am more aware of something I was not aware of before”. I want to have someone tell me that, although my emotional response is valid and honest, it may not be productive.

The intention of my post was to draw attention to the fact that the outcome of the American election, a political scape that affects the entire world, is a manifestation of the deeply rooted systemic paradigms of colonialism, racism, sexism, heterosexism, ableism, and classism. We live in a world where the biggest political superpower of a Nation has elected a reality t.v. star who believes it’s appropriate to “grab [a woman] by the pussy” as their leader. This didn’t just happen, it’s just another way the dominant system of power is expressing itself. 

But I’ve also got to tell you, it gets exhausting and frustrating when you’re in the fight and then other people superficially jump on board the fight without realizing that the root systems of power have been alive and well for a really long time and that maybe now it is finally coming to a breaking point. As scary as it is, maybe things will get bad enough to inspire people to come together.

But I am angry that it’s come to this. I’m angry when people tell me that we live in a “post-racial society” or a society where genders are equal and expression (and speech) are free. The reality of the situation is that people of colour and women and other marginalized groups have been speaking up about these issues (more and more!) for a while now, and that we (yes, all of us “woke” or not!) continue to find ways to silence people whose voices might sound a little shrill because they have been screaming to be heard for so long.

I see us trying to silence emotional reactions because it is uncomfortable to deal with conflict.

Thanks for letting me process this here with you. I have a lot of feelings. I feel very conflicted.

I’m just trying to be real, not be mean.

I am hearing women who are terrified that their rights to maintain bodily autonomy will be taken back fifty years. I am hearing people of colour who have already began to experience an increase in violent attacks in the last 24 hours and are scared to go out by themselves after dark. I am hearing from chronically ill and disabled people who will face the fear that they may not have the same access to health care and financial assistance. There is so much pain and fear. I am hearing people pleading with one another to listen to how they want to be cared for and what that looks like. 

“Create space where we can come together”

“Don’t let any of your minority friends be out by themselves at night. Use buddy systems, create some sort of volunteer groups where people can contact others to come places with them”

Because what we’ve been doing obviously isn’t working. Let’s get real and take a good look at ourselves and do better. Because I know we can do better. I know I can do better.