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The Interdisciplinary Work of Lyss England

Posts tagged insomnia

Maybe care looks like
Goats with red hair
Who always show up
In those dreams that come
First thing in the morning
Last thing before I wake
This year
I’ve thought a lot about
What it means to care
If it means doing
What feels good
Or if it means doing what
I think
I feel
I’m meant to do or
If it means warm blankets
And warmer liquids
And maybe care looks like
Something only I know
First thing in the morning.

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there have been
so many nights
where I have sat
awake
watching the sun rise
through swollen eyes
irritated by
the makeup I didn’t take off
the night before
when I fell asleep
feeling sore and
uninspired
unable to write anything
or try to gain confidence
in something I used to be
good at
where I have finally
been able to
sit beside myself
and wait
out
this
loathing
self
it
has
to
pass
minute by minute
I count down
by the clock app
on my cell phone
the friend I most
want to let go
disconnect to connect
even if it turns out
that the only connection
I can trust
is me
sitting beside myself
resenting the sunlight.