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The Interdisciplinary Work of Lyss Warmland.

Posts tagged trauma

Check out my interview with Shayne Traviss!

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We talk about:
– What it means to live a radically authentic life
– The trauma-based patterns that keep us stuck in suffering
– Grief and how to live through it
and so much more!

Get his book, “Your Vivid Life: An Invitation to Live a Radically Authentic Life” here!
Follow him on IG @shaynetraviss and @YourVividLife
Check out his website for informatio on all the cool work he does here: http://vividlife.me/ultimate/

Featured Tunes:
2nd Date by The Unlovables
Hollow Sounds by Dan Andriano in the Emergency Room
One Great City! by The Weakerthans
Anna’s Song by Teenage Bottlerocket

Checkout my conversation with Susan K.!

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We talk about:

– Working for a union
– Gardening and wellness
Cat facts
– Making art
– Managing physical and emotional intersections when it comes to disability
– Living with OCD and CPTSD
– The journey that is self-care
– What it means to listen to our bodies and to respect their boundaries
– What Susan loves about Sasquatch and conspiracies in general
– What wellness means and how the things Susan does keep her well

Featured Tunes by:
Billie Eilish
Brutal Knights
Kendrick Lamar
Wayne Kennedy

Check out my conversation with Maggie Robbins!

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Can’t wait to have a friend I love very much back on tonight to follow up on our conversation (about things like radical inclusivity and rape culture in gynaecology) from episode 46.

At 8pm on Northumberland 89.7 FM Small Town Radio tonight, tune in to join Maggie Robbins and I while we talk about:
– the response from our previous episode (we got stories!)
– an update on Maggie’s battle with cancer
– Trauma as a means of individual and community healing
– parenting through trauma
– leaving space for reaction
– balancing reaction and response
– cannabis as part of a wholistic wellness plan

Featured Tunes:
Let’s Fall in Love by Tiny Stills
Baby I by Amy Millan
Done by Frazey Ford
Dancing in the Dark by The Ruth Moody Band

The sky turned grey the day after
To match my head the day after
I lay on the table and
allowed myself to be at the mercy of
doctors and this body
The one that just seems to
Keep failing me
Betraying me
When all I want is to
do this thing I feel called to do
I-
Motherless child
I-
Childless mother
Felt grey the day after
Cervix still open
Another lifeless love
Lifted from my body.

Check out my interview with Maggie Robbins here!

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We talk about:

  • Radical inclusion and empowering families
  • The Village Hearth Northumberland
  • Living with cancer
  • Navigating the healthcare system as a survivor of sexual violence
  • Gynaecology and rape culture
  • Parenting through trauma

Features Tunes:
Littlest Birds by The Be Good Tanyas
Rainy Saturday by Hayden
Orion Town 2 by Frontier Ruckus
I Feel It All by Feist

aka. “Acknowledging autonomy as a means of building healthier communities”

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(image shows myself and my best friend, Luna the shepherd dog, in an open field surrounded by trees, representing simultaneous autonomy and interconnection).

Can you think of a time in your life where you wanted to be part of a community of people who you grew close with, even loved? Where you put a lot of time and energy into creating that community with some sort of shared goal or intention? Me too.

I’ve been a part of theatre communities where we worked on shows together, activist communities where the shared goal is dismantling rape culture or working towards environmental sustainability, and casual communities where the goal is simply to be friends. Sometimes this more casual community building looks like a group who gets together to share meals or to work together in a garden. Sometimes, like many people in my generation, this means online group chats.

Can you think of a time where you felt let down by your community? Maybe you were going through something really tough and craved the support of the community you’ve worked hard to build. Maybe you felt ignored or under appreciated. I can relate. It’s really easy when we feel this way in our communities to chalk it up to “toxic communities” and honestly, that’s the script that is growing to dominate a lot of modern thought around social justice. But I think that this is an oversimplification at best, and, more honestly, actively detrimental to the overall goal of community care and individual wellness that social justice aims to work towards.

Community building as a concept is complicated and I see a lot of discussion around some of the key pieces these days. Things like self-care, balancing emotional labour, and accountability. While it’s exciting that these discussions are happening at all, and it’s to be expected that thinkers will stumble their ways through these complex and imperfect topics, I, a white, queer, disabled woman who lives with CPTSD, am increasingly finding that the shallow way we discuss this stuff is more harmful than helpful.

Basically, what I’m asserting here is that the problem isn’t that we are building toxic communities, it’s that we are empowering individuals to engage in behaviours that are toxic to themselves, and thus, toxic when it comes to building healthier communities. We mistake enabling self-harming behaviours for care in attempt to acknowledge that the violence perpetrated against marginalized people is real and unfair. However, by encouraging a victim mindset, we effectively marginalize people who have been affected by systemic violence even further.

I don’t believe that it is my job (or my business) to dictate how anyone else chooses to cope with or react to their experiences in the world. I believe that is up to each individual, and that building healthier communities relies on each individual to do their own work. It’s easier, when we have experienced trauma and/or violence to follow scripts where we validate one another’s pain (effectively playing in to the same power dynamics we claim to be working to dismantle) rather than addressing and taking ownership for our own experiences and subsequent (re)actions.

What it comes down to for me, as an individual, is this: do I want to commit to my trauma and live in it, or do I want to live my best life where I acknowledge my trauma without allowing it to control my life?

In the context of a society where there are unequal distributions of power, I would agree that it’s true that one cannot fully control what happens to them or every event of their lives, but what one can control is how they choose to respond to what happens. When it comes to community building, when we are all so committed to living in our own emotional shit, we tend to project that on to other people in our community.

For me, my dissatisfaction in communities I’ve experienced as toxic has a lot less to do with anyone else’s actions but my own dissatisfaction with myself. This results in me being so wrapped up in how worthless I feel (because trauma stuff) and feeling so bad about how I’m not feeling cared for by my community that I’m not being a good community member either. I’m not actually taking care of myself in a deep way either. I’m just wallowing in my own shit. Living there. Committing to it. It’s a lot easier to chalk my feelings up to other peoples’ actions rather than taking ownership for my own and doing something to actively work with whatever it is I’m going through. It keeps me trapped in my own shit.

Escaping and preventing toxic communities comes down to changing our perspectives from “they did this to me and this feels awful” to “this happened and it feels awful because I’m perceiving it as something that was done TO me that I have no control over.”. The reality is that you do have control over what you do with your hurt. Sure, communicating to the person you felt hurt by may be helpful, but what will be really helpful is you changing your perception (and thus, your reality) of the hurtful thing. It’s not about ignoring the hurt or “choosing not to feel it”. I mean, that sounds nice, but we all know it’s not that simple. It’s about feeling it and acknowledging that it probably had nothing to do with you and everything to do with the other person/people. What is yours is your reaction. When we accept people for where they are at, it makes for far healthier and happier interpersonal relationships. And when we can’t reconcile where someone’s at with the reality we’re choosing to actively build for ourselves, we get to choose the context in which you relate to that person.

This isn’t to say that we should stick around people who contribute to us feeling bad or who we don’t ultimately feel are conducive to our journey in wellness. It’s also not about anyone being “at fault”. It’s never so simple as a simple perpetrator/victim dynamic. We are all hurt beings in some way, we are all trying to stumble our way to happiness and fulfillment. But what I think we, as social justice oriented thinkers and carers, would benefit from is actually acknowledging the role of autonomy in community building.

(Big thanks to Sabrina Scott and Susan Kesper for taking the time to provide feedback on this piece and supporting me in making it better!)

 

 

 

 

 

there was a storm:
snow cascading from the clouds
the doctor
halted by the chaos
sat home by the fireplace
so I was delivered by a
stranger.
there was the cord:
connecting my mother and I
wrapped tightly
around my under-sized
neck, turning my face
blue, like I’d be for
years.
there was my grandmother:
on her own death bed
refusing to 
hold me or see me,
my mother’s daughter,
who took her name
Dorothy.
There is a matrilineal lineage:
and a traumatic birth,
a precursor
for an anxiety-induced
identity formed by
crisis.