there have been
so many nights
where I have sat
awake
watching the sun rise
through swollen eyes
irritated by
the makeup I didn’t take off
the night before
when I fell asleep
feeling sore and
uninspired
unable to write anything
or try to gain confidence
in something I used to be
good at
where I have finally
been able to
sit beside myself
and wait
out
this
loathing
self
it
has
to
pass
minute by minute
I count down
by the clock app
on my cell phone
the friend I most
want to let go
disconnect to connect
even if it turns out
that the only connection
I can trust
is me
sitting beside myself
resenting the sunlight.